why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Come see our sink grown plant.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Randomize
