In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
