I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
