Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
