you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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