just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
