I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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