lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
