We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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