dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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