had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
