That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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