I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
