I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
