You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
