can we get nightvision for the apartment?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
