He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
