Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
