shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
My pussy is not your playground.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
