I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
