This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
my shit smells like andre
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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