I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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