I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
So drunk its hurt
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
