Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
