So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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