News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
