So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
