oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
