??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
