Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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