he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
