he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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