Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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