I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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