I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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