I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Randomize
