I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
