I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
