woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
