Porn is love you can see.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
