areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Randomize
