Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
If I die, sorry about rent.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
its liver damage thursday
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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