thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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