Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
