I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i will never coherently bang her
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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