sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
