Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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