How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
