so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
