so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
