your room smells of hookers.
And success
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
