He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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