Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
