Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
