i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
It's just like the Real World with babies
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
